


Alive, But Dying Inside

by Who_Cares



Series: Bloodlust [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood Drinking, Cheating, Depressed Simon Snow, Eventual Fluff, Mentions of Non-Consensual Blood Drinking, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23905192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_Cares/pseuds/Who_Cares
Summary: Life is a bit of a mess for Simon Snow, a messed up spell lead to an angry Baz and the worst decision of his life. With the damage being done, he has to continue on with his life and try to forget about it (Which is completely impossible). When he finally feels like things are finally almost under control (as much so as he feels like it could be at this point in time), he has a horribly ill timed realization that turns everything upside down and he must try to decide what he's going to do about it.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Bloodlust [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675636
Comments: 13
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Simon:  
We always knew it would end like this. A final fight between Baz and I. I almost thought we had avoided it. Memories of cold lips against my own distract me from the equally cold glare of the boy in front of me, his wand aimed in my direction, fangs bared, cuts on his face and arms from the sword in my hand, clothing ripped, hair a mess, dirty from the fight that had already gone on for what felt like hours, though it was probably only around twenty minutes. I feel the weight of my sword in my hand, and the wind blowing past us. I hear him start a spell, I can’t quite understand him, but I can hear the tone of his voice, angry, full of pure hatred. I don’t blame him for it, but I still can’t just let him win this. Not when I still have to deal with the Humdrum, not when there are still people I have to protect, no matter how much I may hate the idea of killing him, I can’t just let him kill me. I feel my arm move forward and the resistance as the sword pushes through his chest before he could finish his spell. I almost feel as though I wasn’t the one who did it. As if I’m just watching from off to the side as the life drains from the face of the boy in front of me. I never wanted this to happen. His eyes lock on mine, a look on his face that will forever be burned into my memory, eyes wide, mouth agape. I see the shock, the pain, and the fear that he's feeling and feel a horrible, twisting wave of nausea wash over me. Then Baz goes limp, knees buckling before collapsing as I yank the sword out of him, my body trembling. I put the sword away as I blink against the burn of tears blurring my vision. “I’m so sorry…” I whisper under my breath. Then I walk away, shaky and unsure whether I’m going to throw up or go off.  
...  
I jerk awake with a gasp to the sound of my alarm going off, sitting up, tears still streaming down my face, the heavy, empty, nauseous feeling lingering as pieces of the nightmare replay in my mind. Crowley I hate that dream...

“Same nightmare again love?” I hear a sleepy voice ask me from the other side of the bed.

“Y-yeah…” I reply, voice quavering. I feel movement next to me in the bed and hear the rustling of the blanket. Then there’s an arm around my waist and I feel lips press against my cheek as a soothing hand starts to rub my lower back just under my wings.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah... ’m fine.” I say. A complete lie, but what does it matter really? “I think I’m just going to go shower.”

“Want company? I could try to help get your mind off of it.”

“Not now.”

“He would have killed you, you know. It isn’t your fault that you had to-.”

“Yeah… I know…” I say, cutting Agatha off. I still can’t bear to hear it said out loud. That I killed him… That he’s gone. That there’s nothing else that I could have done. That I made the right choice. After all, it’s not like they’re anything more than empty reassurances. Yes, he’s dead and it is my fault, but I should have… I don’t even know what. I could have left him alive. It's entirely my fault and I have to live with that. I wish people would stop acting like it’s fine. I should be in prison, not in bed with my fiancee in our house in California acting like nothing ever happened. Like I didn’t murder the boy I lived with for 8 years, the boy I had been in love with because I made a stupid mistake and caused him to hate me.

Agatha presses another kiss to my cheek and I try to force a little smile.

“You know… I umm… I suppose a distraction would be sort of nice. If you’re still interested in joining me.” I say, knowing I needed to drag myself out of my thoughts before they dragged me in deeper. Even if I deserve these feelings, Aggie doesn’t deserve to have to deal with my problems.

“Alright... Come on.” she says quietly, getting up and offering me a hand to help me get up as well.

I accept it, getting up and pulling her into a kiss, trying to push the memory out of my mind. It only sort of works. It’s better than nothing anyway...  
…  
We shower and get dressed and then go into the kitchen where I start to make breakfast for the two of us. Agatha sits on the counter top, watching me cook like she does almost every morning. She helps me with it every once in a while, but I usually just ask her to let me do it by myself. It’s one of the few things that actually works as a distraction for me.

“Are you going to be okay by yourself today Simon?” she asks. "I can cancel my plans if you really need me to."

“I'll be fine. I think I might go spend my day down at the beach. It’s supposed to be nice out.”

“That’ll be good for you. Maybe it will help you feel a little better.” she says.

“That’s what I'm hoping,” I say. Strong reminders that I’m in California tend to make me a little less likely to think about Watford. We don’t even use magic here. Agatha has resigned herself to hiding my wings for me before going out, but other than that, she never uses her wand, just leaving it in the drawer of my nightstand along with my own.

“We should really try to finish packing tonight shouldn’t we?” she asks me.

“Hmm? Oh… Err… Yeah, probably.” I say. “We’re leaving in… Two days?”

“Yeah.” she says. “How are you feeling about going back?”

“I feel fine.” I lie. I don’t want to go back to England. I only agreed to it because it was the easiest way to be able to have everyone at our wedding with us. I’m excited to see everyone, but I would really rather not go back. Too many memories of things that I’d rather not think about. That’s why I decided to stay in a hotel room with Penny instead of going and staying with Agatha and her parents. I don’t really think she’s super excited about going back either. Most of this was her mother’s idea and we just sort of went with it. 

“If you say so.” she says. Then she gets down off the counter, presses a quick kiss to my cheek and then starts to set the table as I finish cooking.

I put food on plates and then sit down across from her to eat.

Baz:  
Pain. Hot, sharp, mind numbing pain. A horrified look of sudden realization, shaking hands, more pain, the removal of the sword from my chest. Dizzy. Hard to see. Hard to focus. Pain with every heartbeat and every breath. What to do? Can’t think. Do I even bother trying? Is death worse than continuing like this? Is it an option at all? My hand moves, as if by its own free will to rest on the cut. Merlin… I squeeze my eyes shut. Overwhelmed. Can’t focus. Heat coming from somewhere far too close, crackling fire, sticky smoke smell. What am I going to do? I need to focus. I struggle to get my school jacket off, trying not to move much. Then I roll it up before tying it tightly around my chest where it covers both sides of the hole. Fuck… I need a spell. I’m so dizzy… I don’t think one, weak healing charm will do much… What can I do? Fuck. Can I get somewhere else? What was that spell? God it hurts… Shit... I clumsily scramble to find my wand, blurred vision and shaking hands making it almost impossible. Spinning. Dizzy. Pain. Confused. Can’t think. Can’t move. Can’t find my wand. Hard to breathe. Light dimming. Fuck.  
...

I wake up gasping for breath, pain in my chest, trying to take in my surroundings. The dark bedroom of my apartment. _Heartburn_ I quickly realize, not the pain from being stabbed, and I think I’d know the difference better than anyone else. That doesn’t mean it’s any less unpleasant though and I know it’s the reason for that nightmare coming back again. Not that it ever goes away for long. That kind of pain, that amount of anger and frustration, and that amount of _hurt_ , well… it’s not something that ever goes away. Not really and, unfortunately, I’ve never been much good at getting over things, be that a stupid crush or a grudge. I stretch and get up, going into the kitchen and filling a glass with water before sitting on the couch. I suppose that this is what I get for allowing my “date” to pick where we went to eat and not making him tell me where we were going first. Italian food is the worst and even if I’m careful, his blood still was full of alcohol and garlic and well… Ugh. It was a poor choice on my part, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I guess I do deserve it. It’s not like I don’t know that what I’m doing is wrong, it’s just that at this point, I don’t have another option. I can’t really run without pain, and it’s not like you can walk up to someone and just be like ‘Hey, mind letting me drink your blood? I promise not to kill you or anything.’ I like to use the fact that it doesn’t hurt them and that they never remember it to justify it, but I know that at this point, I’ve basically become the monster that everyone fears a vampire would be. My mother would hate me for who I’ve become. My father would never speak to me again if he knew, and I would never be let near any of my siblings. Fiona has stuck around, but I know she sees me differently than she used to. I deserve it. I deserve worse. I should have died. I wish that it had gone the way it always goes in my dream, where I stop trying. Where I give in. Where I bleed out and end up consumed by the flames of Snow going off nearby. But of course, I couldn't just give up. I found my wand and used what little energy I had left to cast ‘ **There’s no place like home!** ’ and to call for help. As I’ve said before, I don't have a death wish. I just wish I did. It sure would make things easier. I take a drink of water and close my eyes, trying to think about something else. My cat jumps up into my lap and nuzzles against my arm. With a small sigh I start to absentmindedly pet her.

“Hey γατάκι...” I whisper. She purrs, nuzzling my hand before curling up in my lap. I yawn and pick up my phone and press play on my audiobook so that I have something else to focus on other than the memory of that time in my life. Then I set my phone back down and close my eyes, relaxing back into the couch, continuing to pet my cat and drink my water. Eventually, I fall back asleep, knowing I’ll have to go back the next morning and rewind my book to figure out where I was in it. Whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

Agatha:

“How are you?” Ginger asks me as I sit down across from her at the table of the little cafe we decided to go to for lunch.

“Pretty good. You?” I ask.

“I’m good. You’re not too stressed out about the wedding? It’s only, what? A week and a half away?”

“I have my worries obviously, but I’m more worried about Simon than I am about the wedding itself.”

“He's still not sleeping well?”

“No. I suppose it isn’t unexpected, but honestly, he didn’t come to bed until past 4 in the morning and he got up at 7 even though he has nothing going on today. He never sleeps for more than a couple of hours. It’s insane.”

“Why was he up so late?”

“Honestly? I think it’s just that he doesn’t like sitting awake by himself when he wakes up from his nightmares, so instead he tries to go to bed at a time where he knows I’ll be getting up around when he wakes up.”

“Jeez… What is he dreaming about every night that’s so bad that he can’t fall back asleep?”

I sigh. I don’t like talking about him behind his back, but honestly, I’m worried about him, and I don’t know what to do. “He’s had a pretty _eventful_ life, and he’s had nightmares since he was a kid. Not that he’d discuss them with me, but the dark circles under his eyes and the way he never liked to sleep when he was at my house over the Christmas holidays, it wasn’t hard to see what was going on.”

“Has he told you recently what his dreams are about though?”

“He won’t go into detail, but I do know.” I say.

“Well?”

“His old roommate… uh… passed away due to an incident that he caused.” I say. “They lived each other at school for eight years and then they were in a pretty big fight when he died.”

“Oh… Wow…” Ginger says. “That’s awful…”

“Yeah… I don’t think he’s gone more than a day or two without dreaming about it since it happened.”

“Jeez.”

“I’m terrified that he’s going to regret getting married to me. We’ve dated off and on since we were very young, but he wakes up crying all the time and I feel like I’m not making anything better. I know he’s been going to therapy, and that he’s been working toward getting better, but… What if I’m making things worse for him? Reminding him of high school or whatever even though I don’t want to be? I don’t know… I’m sure I sound like an idiot. I don’t really know what I’m saying here.”

“No… I get it. You want what’s best for him and you’re worried that it’s not you, but he loves you. I’ve seen it. He always stays so close to you, curled up by your side whenever he can be. The two of you are a sickeningly cute couple. You said he’s been going to therapy. He obviously felt like proposing to you was the right thing for him, and you said yes, so you clearly feel the same way right?”

“Of course I do,” I say. “I’ve been in love with him for years. I’m just scared that he’ll eventually stop freaking out about what happened with Baz and he’ll realize that I’m not what he wants, that he was just clinging to me for some normalcy and he doesn’t actually love me. Is that crazy of me?”

“Kinda. Yeah, he’s been through a lot, but you said he doesn’t like to share everything that’s going on in his mind with you. He seems like the kind of person who would push people away if he didn’t really care about them. He clearly loves you but, if you really think it’s a bad idea, you don’t have to marry him.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to marry him. I just… I guess I’ve been thinking a bit too much and I scared myself. I’m sorry about the rambling…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m always here to talk to you if you need it.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you know what you’re going to get to eat?”

“Uh… yeah. I think so.”  
…

_Two Days Later_

Penelope:

I get to the hotel that Simon and I are staying at and walk into our room. He smiles at me and gets up from where he was sitting on the bed. Micah is staying down the hall, but we made the decision that I would be staying with Simon so that he would be more comfortable about being in England, and thank Merlin we did. Besides, we don’t see each other very often anymore and I’ve missed him.

“Hey Si.” I say, smiling a little as he pulls me into a tight hug. He’s never been particularly good at hugging, but he's gotten a little better at showing affection in the past few years. Agatha likes to jokingly complain about how clingy he’s gotten, but I don't think she actually minds. She definitely prefers it to when he gets in a particularly bad mood and won't talk to her or let her touch him at all. The hug lasts for a fairly long time. Not that I mind, but he definitely seems tired, his head resting on my shoulder.

“Hey Penny. It's nice to see you.”

I nod, my head pressed against his chest. “How was your flight?”

“It was good,” he says. “Would have been better if I didn't have wings in the way, but you know.” he adds with a shrug, pulling away from the hug and stretching a little. “What about you and Micah?”

“Our flight was, umm… It was pretty good.”

“That's good.”

I nod slightly.

“Are you hungry?” he asks me. 

“A little. Do you have an idea of where we should go for dinner?”

“I don’t really know, but I am starting to get hungry.”

“Let’s look for somewhere to go eat.”

He nods, picking up his phone, sitting down on the edge of one of the beds as he starts to look for somewhere to eat. I sit down beside him and look with him.

“Is there something in particular that sounds good to you?” he asks.

I shrug. “I don’t think so really.”  
…  
Simon:

Penny and I walk into a restaurant about an hour later and sit down at a table.  
"So how have things been going with you?" Penny asks. "No offense, but you look like you still haven't been sleeping all that well.

I sigh. "I'm not, but I'd rather not think about it now. Can we discuss something else. Please?"

"Of course. I just wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine." I say. "How have things been going with you?"

"Umm... Okay."

"Alright, what's wrong?" I ask. 

"Micah and I broke up a couple of weeks ago."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just... I don't know." she says. "I haven't really wanted to discuss it, and I knew I'd see you face to face today, so..." she sighs and shakes her head, fidgeting a little with the purple ring on her finger. 

"So, what happened?"

"He met another girl... To be honest, I kind of knew that we were becoming a lot less close, but I never expected that this would happen."

"He cheated on you?" I ask.

"Not... exactly. I don't even know. He has this female friend and I guess that they've been flirting for a while."

"I'm sorry Pen."

"It's whatever. I'm obviously not happy about it, but I don't really want to worry about it today."

"Then let's not. Let's have one night where we act like we're completely happy." I say, smiling a little. "Let's get drinks and talk about whatever good things we have going on in our lives right now."

She laughs softly. "That sounds good to me."  
...  
Baz:

I'm at one of my favorite bars, having a drink when a man sits down beside me and the two of us start chatting. This is exactly what I hope for when I come here, though not really for the same reason most people would be. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Not really. I like to flirt, but really, my main goal is to get close enough to a person that I'll be able to eat tonight. I know that I probably should, but I have no problem _influencing_ people to be a little more comfortable around me. I wouldn't force them to kiss me or anything like that, and I don't bite unless they are willing to kiss me, so I use the power I have to make them a little more comfortable, so I can find out if it's going to be likely for me to get them to do what I need them to. I don't like forcing anyone to do anything, but the hungrier I get, the less I care about what I'm doing. I only have so many days to actually do it properly before I start to stop being able to be careful. I'm lucky that I never killed anyone when I was first figuring things out and that I was so easily accepted by several vampires who taught me a bit about what I can do as a vampire, and then I went from there. I try to keep some moral standards when it comes to this, but it certainly isn't easy without being able to run after animals anymore due to the condition of my heart. On the bright side, being a mage that has quite a bit of magical power allows me to give the people I drink from a bit more kindness than most other vampires would, and I can hide it better. Healing charms on the holes from my fangs, blood refilling, et cetera. Another plus is that human blood, especially the blood of human mages, helps increase my power for a little while, so none of them have to deal with the discomfort caused by blood loss, so I'd say I'm doing better than a lot of other vampires, as low as that bar may be.  
...  
Simon:

Penny and I walk out of the restaurant a couple of hours later, just starting to walk down the street without really thinking about where we're going. My eyes lock on two people walking out of a bar that was next door to the restaurant that we had just left. It wasn’t at all what they’re doing that caused me to stare. They were just walking together and talking a bit. While yes, I did realize it was weird and a bit creepy for me to stare once I finally spent a few moments thinking about it, that wasn’t what I was focused on at the time, it’s a man with pale skin and long dark hair that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of. He looked so much like Baz, and I couldn’t look away. Unfortunately, the lighter haired man must’ve noticed that I was staring, because he locks eyes with me and frowns slightly.

“What the hell are you looking at?” he asks me. 

“I… Umm… I just… er…” I say.

The dark haired one turns to look at me as well, sneer on his lips. Damn he looks like Baz. “Spit it out.”

“I… Sorry you just… look a lot like someone I used to know.”

The dark haired one's eyes widen a bit, seemingly in realization. “Shit… Snow?” he asks.

I step closer to him. “Baz… But you’re… you can’t be here… I…”

He casts an absentminded ‘ **As you were!** ’ at the other man who looks between us and then walks back into the bar that they had just exited. Baz chuckles softly before turning his attention to me. “I can’t be here... because I should be dead? Because you stabbed me through the heart with that damn sword of yours?” his voice is eerily calm, facial expression bored and tired.

“I mean... Well... It's just...Yeah…” I mumble in response. 

“Well, now you know that didn’t work. Going to try again? Find a wooden stake this time? Set me on fire? Cut off my head? Of course, that only works if you can keep my head away from my body and… Oh wait… You lost your magic to the humdrum years ago.” he says, tone still calm as he slowly backs me into the wall of the bar.

“Hey!” Penny shouts, trying to stop him from doing whatever it was he was planning. 

“ **Stand your ground!** ” Baz casts, his voice almost a growl. “Now… Someone made me lose out on my meal for the night, and he’s going to make up for it.” 

Penny makes a noise, sounding like she was about to say something, but before she can, I hear Baz say, “ **There’s no place like home!** ” and suddenly, we're no longer outside.


	3. Chapter 3

Simon:

I stumble due to no longer having a wall to lean against and the back of my knee presses against something and I fall backward. Surprisingly, I land on a bed and not the floor, although it’s still uncomfortable, my wings jabbing into my back and my tail smashed awkwardly under me. 

“Where are we?” I ask, looking around to take in my surroundings, pushing myself back up into a sitting position, readjusting my (still invisible) wings and tail so that I was less uncomfortable.

“My apartment obviously. Where else would we be? You’d think with that spell you’d know exactly where you are.” he says. “I couldn't just let Bunce ruin my fun.”

“Whatever you’re going to do, would you just get on with it already?” 

“Not even going to put up a fight?” he asks, arching an eyebrow at me.

“Anything you could possibly do to me, I deserve.” 

“I just need a drink,” he says, tone as cold and bored as always, eyes locked on mine, arms crossed. “You interrupted my meal for the night.”

“You just go around killing people now?” I ask.

“Of course not you idiot.” Baz says, rolling his eyes and glaring at me. “I would have had a drink, used a spell to refill him, and then healed the holes before leaving. He wouldn’t have anything worse than a bit of a hangover from venom that wouldn’t make him feel any worse than the alcohol that was already in him after spending so long at the bar. He wouldn't even remember anything more than maybe a bit of kissing in the morning.” 

“Baz…” I say, trying to figure out how to respond.

“I’m not a monster Snow. Not anymore than I have to be because of you.” Baz says, his words half angry and half mumbled like he wasn’t sure he wanted to say it. Or maybe like he wasn’t sure he believed it himself. He’s never been easy to read.

I sigh softly. “I… Baz… I know it’s my fault you have to do things like that… I wish there was something I could do to help, but I… unfortunately I can’t, so just… You can do what you want to me. I want to do what I can to make up for all of the pain I’ve caused you and the things I’ve forced you to do to keep yourself alive.”

“Whatever I want hmm?” he asks, settling himself between my legs and pinning one of my hands above my head. “You’re sure about that?” he asks, face centimeters from my own.

Fuck… I find myself wondering exactly what I just agreed to, but I still only nod slightly. His mouth crashes into mine, fingers tangling in my hair, and I kiss him back. Of all the things I thought he might do when I told him to do what he liked, this was not one of them. I probably should have realized how likely this was considering I’m literally lying on his bed, but I’m not thinking clearly, and if I’m being honest, I don’t mind it. Then, he mumbles a spell against my mouth and my clothes are gone. I gasp softly, watching as Baz slowly looks me over. He gets this look on his face, just for a moment and it reminds me so much of the few months we spent together all those months ago. The kisses. The more than just kisses. The cuddling. Hearing him call me Simon every once in awhile. A word that sounds so much more important than even _I love you_ did coming out of his mouth and Merlin... All I want is his mouth back on mine.


	4. Chapter 4

Baz:

I’m not usually the dominant one. It’s not really my thing, but something about Snow, and being hungry made me angry enough to want something a bit different from usual. I kiss him deeply, and then cast ‘ **Show yourself!** ’. His clothes end up on the floor and two red, leathery dragon wings become visible spread out on the bed on either side of him.

“Damn…” I mumble, looking over his body, darker tan than I remember ever seeing him, more muscular, still covered in gorgeous constellations of freckles. “You look good Snow.”

“My fiancée thinks so too,” he says, obviously just wanting me to know he was getting married, but if he thinks that him being engaged means anything to me, he's completely wrong.

“Wellbelove?” I ask.

“Mmm… Our wedding is the reason we’re back in England.”

“And yet… here you are in my bed telling me to do what I want with you… and I thought you were supposed to be the good guy Snow,” I say.

“You kidnapped me! And, to be honest, I was expecting to get hit, not kissed or fucked, but I did say to do what you want, so get on with it will you?” 

What is going through his head, I’m not sure. Likely not much considering it is Snow, and honestly I’m not interested in questioning it. I press a kiss to his jaw and he tilts his head to give me better access. I continue to kiss down his jaw, a small smirk on my lips. I feel something wrap around my leg. I move and look down to find what looks like a cartoon devil’s tail wrapped around my thigh. I chuckle lightly, not saying anything as I pull off my shirt. I go to lean back down, but he stops me, gently brushing his fingers over the pale, inch and a half long scar over my heart, a sad look on his face. 

“I’m so sorry…” he whispers.

Something about this makes me snap and I shove his hand away with a growl. It’s almost like the state I find myself in when I go a bit too long without blood. I’m barely in control of my own actions. “Roll over.” I order. He does what I ask and I pull off my belt, wrapping it once around my hand before hitting him with it. Snow flinches and a delicious groan comes from his mouth. I smirk and hit him again. 

“I’m so sorry…” he says again.

“You’re sorry?” I ask with mock sympathy. “Your stupidity is the reason I will forever be the monster you were always terrified I was! The reason I will never be normal! And you’re sorry? That means absolutely nothing to me.” I spit, hitting him harder. 

He grunts. “It was never my goal to-”

“Thirteen years Snow! I had been a vampire for _thirteen fucking years_ and I had never once had human blood before your mistake! It’s your fault that that got messed up” I say, hitting him again. “Your fault that I’m still a fucking monster!”

He whimpers softly. “I… I know. Believe me, I do. I’m sorry.” 

“Then you stabbed that sword through my heart! I hated you, but I was never, _never_ going to actually go that far. I was about to spell you away from me, and you tried to kill me!”

“Baz…”

“What? You think just because you felt bad after that it makes it better? It fixes nothing!”

“I know…” he says, rolling over so he could look at me.

I hit his stomach, hard, glaring at him, scanning over his face, taking in his expression. He grunts softly, the look on his face is so sad. Like he really does hate himself for what he did. 

“Did you ever actually care about me?”

“Of course I-” 

“It doesn’t even matter.” I say. “You shoved that damn sword through my heart and then left me to die. I went through weeks of extreme pain and I still can’t sleep most nights. You tried to kill me and ruined my life. You couldn’t even have been bothered to finish the job. You fail at everything you do. You couldn’t have gotten even this one thing right?”

“I… Baz…”

“You know what my biggest problem is?” I ask.

“What?” he asks, his expression and tone so full of remorse that I almost feel bad for him.

“Part of me still loves you.” I say quietly, letting the belt slip off of my hand and fall to the floor. “And that is just one more reason I have to hate myself.” His tail wraps tentatively around the back of my leg, drawing me closer to him. Then his arm wraps around me and I find myself pressed right up against him. He leans up and presses his lips against mine.

“I know you’re angry, and well... I certainly deserve it.” he says, his fingers brushing over my scar again, causing me to glare at him. “So take it out on me Baz. You want to hit me? Fine. You want to drain me? Fine. You want to fuck me? Do it. Whatever makes you feel better.”

“Nothing will make me feel better Snow.” I say, shoving him back down onto his back. “I’m a monster with a scar through my heart and it is all your fault.” 

“So let go of some of that anger. I’m not asking you to forgive me, but you don’t have to stay so angry.” he says, still so sad and so quiet. I want to punch him in the mouth.

“Snow?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Shut up.” I growl, grinding against his cock, knowing that the rough fabric of my jeans likely wouldn’t feel very good. He groans again, arms going around my waist, fingers digging into my back as I kiss down his neck. I toe off my shoes, keeping my mouth on him, kissing down his chest as I slide my jeans off and step out of them.

“Fuck Baz…” Snow says. I slide down and kiss his hip. 

“No talking.” I growl. I cast ‘ **Slippery when wet** ’ on my fingers and slowly push one into him.

He lets out a long groan as I start working him open, hooking my finger and pressing against his smooth walls loving the feeling of just how tight he was. I press a second finger into him alongside the first before searching out his prostate, moving quickly and roughly. He whimpers and moans, his tail lashing around a bit before wrapping tightly around my waist as he lets out a long groan. I smirk and readjust myself a bit, feeling his leg wrap around me. Then I sink my fangs into his hip as I continue to stretch him. My mouth fills with his blood and a small hum escapes my mouth. It no longer has the sticky smoke flavor that I have memories of from years ago, but it's still so clearly Simon’s. Buttery, sweet, and just indescribably Simon. It tastes absolutely heavenly and I'm almost too distracted by it to do anything more than just try to draw more of it into my mouth.  
…

Simon:

My god… Holy fuck… His fangs sink into me and for a second, it causes a strong burning feeling that shoots through my body. It leaves a wave of warmth, and a hazy, calm feeling that’s absolutely wonderful in its place as it fades away. 

His tongue slowly slides over the holes in my hip, licking the blood off before tonguing at them, causing little shocks of pain to shoot throughout my body. I groan shakily, letting my eyes fall closed. Baz pulls his mouth away and then presses a cold hand firmly over the spot on my hip before slowly pulling his fingers out of me, causing a whimper to escape my lips.

“God Baz…” I groan, voice shaking.

“Shut up and roll over Snow.” he growls. 

I do as he asks. He keeps a tight grip on my hip as he settles behind me on the bed. He mumbles a spell and then I feel the tip of his cock press against my entrance and then he presses into me. Merlin it feels good, the burn of it further stretching me, causing a long, shaky groan to escape my lips, my tail wrapping around his waist almost without me trying to do it, starting down by his hip and going up and coiling around his upper arm.  
…

Baz:

I can’t help but smirk at Snow’s tail wrapping around me. I pull out part of the way and then slam into him, letting out a small groan as Snow makes a noise that’s closer to a scream. 

“Jesus fuck Baz!” he cries out, gripping my sheets. 

“Don’t make me gag you.” I say before slamming into his arse again, starting to set up a fast, hard rhythm, listening to the small gasps and groans that come out of him, digging my fingers into his hips hard enough that I’m sure it will end up leaving bruises. He’s clutching the sheet so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. I then have a thought. I want his neck closer to my mouth. I’m not full yet. I pause for a second, wrapping my arms around his chest and roughly pulling him back so that he’s leaning back against my chest, arse in my lap as I sharply stab up into him, one arm across his chest and the other hand on his hip, gripping tightly to keep him from getting blood everywhere. His hands grip my thighs, fingernails sinking into me. 

I drag my fangs down the side of his neck, not pressing hard enough to draw blood, but it was hard enough that my fangs slice through the first layer of skin, leaving two long pink marks down the side of his neck. He grunts, tilting his head to allow better access to his neck as I continue to fuck him in sharp jabs.

His head leans back onto my shoulder and I sink my fangs deep into his neck, sucking and humming as he goes limp in my lap, moaning at every movement I make. Crowley it’s hot. His wings outstretched so they’re out of the way, beating lightly with each thrust into him, his tail wrapped tightly around my back and arm, holding us together. 

“Baz…” he moans. “F-fuck…”

I drag my fingernails across his chest and listen to him groan as his fingernails sink deep into my thighs. I smirk and bite the back of his shoulder before pulling away and watching as the blood starts slowly to drip down his back before slowly licking it off of him, moving in and out of him more slowly. He moans, head tilted back, eyes closed.

“Harder…” he groans. I smirk and oblige, moving so both my hands down to his hips and then slamming into him so that he falls forward, barely catching himself on his elbows, letting out a long groan.

With two more hard slams, I come into him, moaning and shuddering against him. Then I pull out of him, panting heavily, scanning over his body and taking in the marks that now covered it. I move and spell myself clean before using a very mild healing spell to stop his bleeding and another spell to refill his blood

He whines softly. “Baz…”

“What? You think you deserve to come?” I ask, flipping him over onto his back and pinning him to the bed. He just whines in response and I kiss him roughly, biting his lip hard enough that my fangs sink about halfway in before pulling away with a light tug. “Then beg for it.”

He grunts softly as I pull away. “Come on Baz! Please.” he says. “I’m so hard... Please.”

I make eye contact with him, glaring into his tear filled eyes. “Go cry to your fiancee about it.” I growl, moving off of him and picking my clothes back up off of the floor. "You can sort yourself out."


	5. Chapter 5

Baz:

“Arsehole.” Snow mumbles.

“I’m not the one who tried to kill my ex boyfriend Snow.” I say, pulling on my underwear and tossing the rest of my clothes into my laundry basket.

He sighs heavily, not saying anything, just wincing slightly as he gets up.

I walk over and grab a small vial out of my nightstand drawer and then hold it out to him.

“The fuck is this?” he asks, taking it from me and staring at it, his eyebrows crinkling together and head tilting a bit to the side as he tilts the vial, watching the liquid inside of it move.

“Vampire antivenom. It’ll help you not end up with too bad of a hangover. Trust me, you want to drink it.” I say, and while all of that is technically true, I’m only giving it to him because of the other benefit it has. Making sure he doesn’t forget what happened tonight.

He shrugs, pouring the vial into his mouth and then swallowing it. Then he wrinkles his nose. “Ugh. Tastes awful…”

I shrug.

Merlin he’s drunk from the venom. I don’t think I’ve ever bitten anyone that many times. It just gets more and more risky the more times I sink my fangs into one person. This time was different though. I want him to remember it, I want him to feel it, I want to leave a scar on him like he did to me, and I’m honestly sort of enjoying seeing him like this.

“I’ll pay for your ride home.”

“Er… My wings?”

I roll my eyes and cast a quick, “ **There’s nothing to see here!** ” before handing him my phone. “Type in wherever you are staying.”

He does it, but he keeps my phone in his hand for longer than it made sense for him to.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“There,” he says, holding out my phone to me. “Now you have my number. Whether you ever use it or not is up to you, but it’d be nice to hear from you once in a while. Remind me that you’re really not dead.”

“What? You think we’re friends now?”

“No. I expect nothing more than insults, but…” he shrugs. “Do what you like with it.”

I glance at my phone and then toss it on my bed, rolling my eyes.

Snow picks up his clothes off of my floor and sighs. “Can I use your bathroom?” he asks.

“Whatever.” I say, gesturing absently in the direction he needed to go in. “Down the hall to the left.”

He nods and walks out and I sit down on my bed, resting my head against the headboard with a sigh. My cat walks in and jumps up onto my lap. “Hey sweet girl…” I whisper, petting her gently. I sort of expected that Snow would just leave, but he walks back into my room around ten minutes later.

“I… uh… I think my phone’s under your bed.”

“Then get it Snow.”

He sighs and does it, groaning softly as he bends down. “I never saw you as the type to have a pet.” he says once he stood back up.

“Me neither.” I reply, still petting my cat who had curled up in my lap and fallen asleep.

“So what’s the story behind the cat then?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“You could just talk to me instead of being a complete arse you know.” he says. “

I sigh. “It was a couple months after that incident with your sword. I was starving and so I used a spell to call for something to drink. I have no idea what came over me, but she was just so tiny and so weak. Didn't fight to get away when I picked her up, just started trembling. Wouldn’t have been worth killing anyway…”

“So you took her in instead?” he asks.

“Basically. It was a strange decision, but... I don't know.”

“What’s her name?”

“She doesn’t really have one necessarily. I usually just call her γατάκι.”

“Which means?”

“It’s Greek for kitten. Crowley, was there even a point in you going to Watford? It’s like you learned nothing.”

“Forgive me for not remembering pointless words in a language I never use.” he says sarcastically.

I smile a little. “You finally learned how to argue back instead of just gaping at me. That’s cute Snow.”

“You are so fucking annoying.”

“You’re just upset that I didn’t get you off.”

He rolls his eyes. “Fuck you.”

“I told you, go ask your fiancee to help you out with that.”

“You’re such a dick.”

“You seem to like my dick quite a bit considering all the noise you just made.”

“Are you done?”

“It’s not my fault you are awful at choosing what words to use.” I say with a little laugh.

He rolls his eyes and glares at me.

“Fine, fine. You said you were just in England for the wedding? Where is it that you’ve been living?” I ask.

“Yeah. Agatha and I live in California.” he replies. 

“That’s how you ended up that tan hmm?”

“Er… Yeah.”

“Does Bunce live there too?”

“No. She moved in with Micah not that long after Agatha and I moved to California.”

“Huh. You’re more than welcome to sit by the way. You have twenty minutes.”

He just stands there and I shrug. “You like it in California?”

“It’s nice. We’re within walking distance from the water and spending time outside always feels good.”

“I have to ask, when was the last time you thought about me? Right after you pulled that sword from my chest? A couple days after? A week?”

“I never stopped Baz…” he says. “I have nightmares about that last fight almost every night.”

“Aww… Poor baby.” I say mockingly. “Wake up and cry to your fiancée about it?”

He glares at me. “Don’t act like I have no right to be upset! Or like I had no reason to think that you would kill me after everything that you said to me while we grew up! I never would have done it if I thought I had another option! I’ve spent _years_ wondering exactly what I could have done differently, how things could have ended up if I hadn’t made that stupid mistake!” he’s crying at this point, trembling slightly, “I was in love with you! And you… you hated me enough to try to kill me! S-so I did what I thought I ha-had to… I never wanted you dead...” he breaks into sobs.

I sigh softly. “Snow…”

He doesn’t answer, sobbing softly. I’ve never seen him this upset before. I mean, I’ve seen him go off, but not cry like this. I carefully get up, setting the cat on the floor before going over to Snow. 

“Hey…” I say softly, gently resting my hand on his shoulder. I don’t know what I’m doing. He leans into me, resting his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him without saying a word. He hugs me so tightly that I feel like he’s trying to crush me, but I don’t say anything. I just carefully lead him over to my bed and lay down with him. He curls into me and just keeps sobbing. I rub his back and just let him cry.

“I'm so sorry.” He mumbles

“Hey…” I say again. “Look at me.”

He tilts his head up to look at me, tears still dripping down his face. I take his hand and gently pull it up toward my neck, pressing his fingers to it so he could feel my pulse. 

“I’m alive. You didn’t kill me.” I say softly. “My heart’s still beating.” 

He nods slightly, not saying anything. I move his hand down to where it was over my heart and he rubs over the scar with his thumb. 

“I’m okay. It hurt like hell, but I’m not dead.” I say.

“I’m still so, so sorry…” he whispers.

“Enough...” I say, moving his hand down to my stomach. “Feel that? I’m still breathing. I’m right here, as alive as I’ve been since I became a vampire.”

He sighs softly, staying close, all of him wrapped around me in a way that feels sort of like what I imagine snuggling with an octopus would feel like, his legs, arms, wings and tail all wrapped around me, head nuzzled in the crook of my neck, tears still dripping down his face and onto me. 

“Relax,” I say softly. “It’s all okay.”

He gently kisses my cheek and I move to look him in the eye, arching an eyebrow at him. Then his lips are against mine, kissing me softly and slowly. I don’t protest, kissing back, humming softly against his mouth. He readjusts himself, nudging my legs apart and settling between them. Okay… I cup his cheek in my hand, my other arm around his waist, tucked under his wings.   
…

Simon:

My mouth is on Baz’s, my tongue sliding against his, his hands sliding over me, in my hair, on my back, cupping my face, squeezing my arse. I can’t think about anything other than the feeling of it all. It feels so good. I pull away for a breath and Baz looks up at me, gently running his fingers down my cheek.

“Crowley you're stunning…” I say.

“You are so drunk on venom…” he says with a little laugh.

I kiss him again. 

“You have a fiancée Snow,” he says.

“I think that after all the biting, kissing, and having your cock up my arse, it's a little late to worry now.”

“I suppose that's true.” Baz says, sliding his hand back to my neck and then pulling me down into another kiss. I groan against his mouth, grinding against him, a small smile tugging at my lips at the hum and roll of hips under me.

His tongue slides against mine, hands sliding over my body, holding me against him. 

…  
Baz:

“Jeez Snow. I didn’t realize you were so concupiscent.” I say as Simon kisses down my neck. “Wellbelove not taking care of your needs?”

He huffs and bites my neck.

“Oh, trying to get back at me now are you?” I ask.

I feel him smirk against my skin. “Maybe I should be.”

I chuckle. “Go ahead if you must.”

“Nnn…” he hums, moving and softly kissing me again, grinding against me.

I groan softly. “Are you wanting to get undressed?” 

“Mmm… now that sounds fun.”

I smirk, casting the spell to remove his clothes again. He smiles and kisses me again before moving and hooking his thumbs under the waistband of my underwear. He looks up at me and I nod slightly.  
…

Around an hour later Snow is asleep, his head on my chest, his body pressed against mine, one of his wings splayed out over me like a blanket. Merlin it’s warm. I never want him to move, but I know he’ll have to in the morning, and then he’s getting married to Wellbelove. Aleister Crowley, why did I do this to myself? And to him… Fuck. I really am a terrible person aren’t I? My god… I really should have thought before I let any of tonight happen... Shit... I really messed up.


	6. Chapter 6

Simon:

I wake up without feeling tired for the first time in a very long time, buried under the most warm and soft blankets I’ve ever touched in my life, the sound of a shower running coming from the next room over. Everything is so comfortable. Then I open my eyes. The first thing I notice is my aching head and the discomfort in many of the parts of my body as I stretch and roll over onto my back. Then everything else comes back to me. Every kiss, every bite, and every word from last night burned into my memory. God… What the fuck have I done? My stomach flips and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I get up, grab my clothes and throw them on along with my shoes and socks as quickly as possible, using my jacket to cover my wings as well as I can. It only sort of works, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can't look at him again. I can't. I grab my phone and leave as fast as I can.  
…

Penelope:

“Oh my god! Simon!” I say, pulling him into a hug the second he steps into our hotel room. He winces and pushes me away, shutting the door before taking off his jacket and dropping it on his bed.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“What happened?”

He walks into the bathroom without responding, not bothering to even close the door before dropping onto his knees in front of the toilet, breathing heavily. Then, he throws up. I go and get a cup and fill it with water, setting it down beside him before going over to his suitcase and getting out clean pajamas for him to change into and setting them on the counter of the sink.

“Thank you…” I hear him murmur after a moment.

“Is there anything else that you need?” I ask.

It takes a moment for him to respond, but eventually he says, “You told Agatha what happened?”

“I did. Yeah.”

“Can you text her and tell her I’m safe, but that I need to be alone for a little bit? I need a shower and some time to think, but I don’t want her to worry too much.”

“Okay… Do you need me to leave? I can go get lunch or something and leave you alone for a bit.”

“You don't need to do that,” he says. “Just… Let her know for me while I get cleaned up?”

“Alright.” I say, walking out of the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.  
…

Baz:

I'm a little surprised to see Snow is gone when I get out of the shower, but honestly, I should have expected it. Merlin… I'm a horrible person. Of course, I knew that after all the things I've done in my life, but God… Why did I do that last night? I let out a long sigh and go to make breakfast for my cat.  
…

Simon:

After I'm showered and back in pajamas, I get into bed and bury myself under the blankets. Every part of me hurts and my stomach still feels nauseous. What did I let happen? What did I do? My god what the fuck is wrong with me? I feel the bed shake a little as Penny sits down beside me on the bed. 

“Si… What happened?”

“I… God Penny I can't…” I say. 

“Did he hurt you?” she asks.

“N-no. Not really… I mean… A little, but that doesn't matter.”

“What could he have done that's worse than that?”

“H-he… God…” I mumble, tears starting to drip down my face.

“Did he rape you?” Penny asks softly.

“No… I… We…”

“What?” she asks, her voice gentle, but worried. “What happened Si?”

“I can’t…”

“It’s okay Si. You’re okay. Take your time.”

I take a deep, shaky breath and slowly let it out. “I… I let him do it. I… I told him it was fine. I let it happen… I just… What have I done?”

“The two of you… had sex?”

I nod slightly. “I… God I… I'm a terrible person. Why did I do that?”

“No.” she says softly. “You were hurting. Both of you were. You’ve been hurting for years. You wanted to get rid of the pain, and yeah, maybe just a conversation with him would have been a better decision, but you aren't terrible. You just messed up.”

“Penny… I… God I feel sick. There's so much that I… I just…”

“It’s okay Simon… Just breathe.”

“I… I have to talk to Agatha…”

“Don’t worry about that right this second. Just breathe for now okay? Collect your thoughts, calm down a little. I told her that you needed some time and that once you calmed down, you’d talk to her.”

I nod. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” she says, rubbing my back. “Just relax.”

I grunt softly. “Pen… Stop.”

She pulls her hand away. “Do you want me to use some healing charms or something?”

“No. Leave it. I deserve all of it…”

“Simon… How bad is it?”

“I'm fine.”

“Okay… Do you want me to stay here or do you need me to go away for a bit?”

“I… Don't want to talk, but I also would rather not be completely alone.”

“Alright. We don't have to talk. Just relax…”  
…  
Agatha:

_  
**Penelope Bunce**  
Simon’s safe. He seems frazzled, but he’s back here at the hotel taking a shower now. 8:04 AM_

_**Penelope Bunce**  
Agatha! 11:36 PM_

_**Penelope Bunce**  
Baz is alive. He kidnapped Simon. Call me! 11:16 PM_

_**Penelope Bunce**  
Seriously Agatha! It’s an emergency! 11:07 PM_

_**Penelope Bunce**  
Call me!10:58 PM_

_**Penelope Bunce**  
4 missed calls 10:55 PM  
_

My phone is always on silent. It’s never been a problem before. I never thought that when I put my phone down at 10:30 and went to bed that I would wake up to find all of this.

I quickly text Penny back, my heart racing.

**Today 8:12 AM**

‘Oh my god, he’s okay?’  
  
Me  


‘A bit freaked out, but he’s alright.’  
Penelope Bunce

‘He’s still in the shower?’  
Me

‘Yeah. I’ll have him text or call you once he’s calmed down a little.’  
Penelope Bunce

‘Thank you.’  
Me

‘Of course.’  
Penelope Bunce

I sigh and close my eyes. My god…   
…

**Today 1:27 PM**

‘Can you come to the hotel? I need to talk to you face to face.’  
  
Simon Snow  


‘I’m on my way. See you in a few minutes.’  
Me


	7. Chapter 7

Simon:

Penny decides to go out for awhile so that I can talk to Agatha alone. She gives me a quick hug and a reassuring smile before grabbing her jacket and walking out of the room. I sigh heavily and just try to breathe and calm down a little, my heart racing and my stomach still feeling sick.

A little less than ten minutes later, I hear someone knock on the door of the hotel and I go and answer it, forcing a small smile at Agatha as she walks inside and hugs me.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” she says quietly.

I hug her back before sighing and pulling away from her.

“What happened last night Simon? How is Baz still alive? How did you get away from him?” she asks.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, carefully sitting down on my bed and gesturing for Agatha to sit down with me.  
...  
Agatha:

I sit down across from Simon, feeling my heart race from nerves. I wasn’t sure what Simon was going to tell me, but from the look on his face, it wasn’t anything good.

“So, I guess the first thing that you need to know to understand everything is that Baz really is a vampire. That’s how he’s still alive.” he says.

“Yeah... Alright. I suppose that that makes sense.”

“Penny and I ran into him last night when we left the restaurant. He came up to me, we talked for a moment and then he used a spell that brought me to his apartment with him.”

“Jeez... I knew that he was a powerful mage, but I didn’t realize that he had enough magic to be able to use a spell like that...”

“Yeah... I wasn’t expecting it either.”

“So what happened after that?”

“I... Umm... We were in his apartment. In his room...” he pauses, swallowing and taking a very shaky breath.

I gently place my hand on his leg. “Hey... we don’t have to talk about it yet if you don’t want to. It’s okay if you aren’t ready...”

He pushes my hand away. “No... I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” I ask. “Are you okay?”

“I’m... I’m fine Aggie... It’s just that he... we... umm...” he says. “God, I’m so sorry...” he mutters under his breath. “I... I let him have sex with me...”

“I’m sorry... you did what?” I ask. I have no idea how to react to that. I’m so confused and incredibly angry. 

“It just sort of happened. I was drunk, I couldn’t think straight, and I let it happen. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself. I know that what I did was wrong, and that I hurt you, and I am so, so sorry.”

“Why would you... I don’t understand. You hated him. He hated you... How did that change to...”

“We umm... We dated for quite some time back at Watford...”

“What? When?”

“When you and I broke up near the end of 7th year... We went through a bit of a crazy time just after and one thing led to another... Then in 8th year there was the thing with finding out who caused his mom’s death and we had a conversation with a vampire who told Baz something that made him very upset with me, and we got into a huge fight.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

“He was dead and I didn’t want to talk about it. It was easier to pretend like those months never happened instead of thinking about it more...”

“So the second you realize he’s alive you sleep with him?”

“Aggie... I...”

“I can tell that you feel bad about it, but tell me something Simon, honestly, if you could go back, would you do it again?”

“Agatha...”

“Would you?”

“I...”

“Simon?”

“Yeah… I would.”

I can't say I didn't expect that that was the answer, but at the same time, it still hurts to hear and I almost wish he would have lied. “Don't you care about me at all?”

“Of course I do. I just… I wouldn’t want to have to go the rest of my life without knowing how I felt about him after realizing he’s not dead.”

“And how is it that you feel about him?”

“Like he’s still the asshole that I've hated for years, but... I still like him way more than I should...”

“You’re still in love with him...”

“I... don’t know. I... I love you. I thought I was over him at this point... but I also thought that he was dead.”

I sigh. “So you were wrong about both things?”

“I... Aggie... I don’t know... I have no idea what I’m thinking right now. I’m just... still trying to fully comprehend everything that has just happened.”

“What is there to understand?” I ask. “It seems pretty straightforward to me.”

“I slept with a man that I thought was dead for years. Who I thought I killed after dating for several months in high school. And it's a week before I’m supposed to get married to the girl I’ve been in love with since we graduated! How is that not a lot to deal with? I get that I’m the one who messed up here, but that does that really mean that I can’t be stressed out about it all?”

I let out a long sigh, too frustrated to respond to him. There’s a knock at the door and I assume that it’s Penny coming back from wherever it is that she went, and I need to get away from Simon for a moment before I do or say something that I shouldn’t, so I get up and go to get the door.  
...

Simon:

I watch as Agatha goes and answers the door, expecting that Penny must have forgotten something when she left, but it’s not her who’s standing out in the hallway with a look of boredom and mild annoyance on his face. It was Baz.

“Wellbelove,” he says, and Agatha punches him in the face.


	8. Chapter 8

Simon:

My jaw drops and I jump to my feet, walking closer to the two of them. “What-”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Agatha asks, cutting me off. 

“I came to drop something off.” Baz replies, sounding incredibly bored for a man who was standing with a hand pressed to his jaw.

“How did you even figure out where to find us?”

“Snow told me where he was staying, and all it took was a bit of persuading to get the person working at the front desk to tell me which room you were in.”

“What is it?”

“You left this on the floor in my apartment.” he says, pulling a thin gold band out of his pocket and then holding it out in my direction. “I thought it was likely that it was important.”

I take it from him and hold it in my hand, confused about how it had ended up on the floor, and why I hadn’t noticed that it was missing.

“You took off your engagement ring last night?” Agatha asks. “Seriously?”

“No. I didn’t. At least not on purpose.” I reply, absentmindedly fiddling with it as I try to think back to the night before to remember what happened.

“Why are you even bothering to lie to me? Clearly you did!” 

He isn’t lying.” Baz says. 

“Then how on Earth did the ring end up on your floor?”

“I used a spell that removed his clothes. It caused his ring to end up on the floor as well, and in his rush to leave this morning he must not have noticed it.”

Agatha looks at Baz, a look of realization on her face. “So you kidnapped, slept with him, and then made him stay in your apartment overnight even though you knew he was engaged?”

“Is that what he told you?” Baz asks.

“Is that not what happened?”

“I may have kidnapped him, but if it wasn’t for what he did, he would have been back here around midnight.”

“What are you talking about?

“I’m talking about _him_ kissing _me_ , crawling on top of me, shagging me bloody senseless, and then asking me to let him just stay the night. Granted, I do think that he just liked listening to my heartbeat after finding out that it hadn’t actually stopped, but still, I never forced him to stay, or do anything else after he was in my apartment for that matter.”

“I...” I stammer.

“Wait... He’s the one who decided to have sex with you?” Agatha asks, cutting me off.

“The second time anyway.”

“The second time? I… honestly… I don’t even know what to say here. Are you kidding me?”

“Snow left quite a bit out of the story didn’t he?”

“I suppose he did.”

“You just love causing trouble, don’t you?” I ask, glaring at him.

“I’m only telling her the truth. You shouldn’t start a marriage with lies Snow.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we were still in the middle of talking about it when you showed up.”

“And what were you thinking during that conversation Wellbelove? Going to call off the wedding?”

“Is that your goal here? To find out if I’m still going to marry him?” she asks him.

“And what if it is?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“That doesn’t make me any less curious.”

She rolls her eyes. “Do you have a reason to still be here?”

“Is your hand okay?” Baz asks, ignoring the question.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

She sighs. “It’s sore...”

“Let me see it for a moment?” he asks.

“Why?”

“So I can use a healing charm on it.”

She sighs and holds it out to him. He takes it gently in his own hand and carefully looks it over before using a couple of healing charms on it.

“You look like you should be okay…” he mumbles. 

“I didn’t think you cared about me.”

Baz sighs, looking at Agatha. “I can’t tell you that I really regret what I did last night because for the most part, I don’t, but my goal wasn’t to upset you.”

“You didn’t care about anyone other than yourself.”

“That’s… absolutely true.” Baz says. “Listen… I was angry, hungry, and not exactly sober last night. That doesn’t excuse anything, I know that, and I’m not trying to deny the fact that what I did was something that I had wanted to do for a long time, but all I was focused on was how what I was doing would affect Simon. I didn’t think about the effect that it would have on you, and for that I do apologize. I am sorry for the pain and problems that I have caused for you by doing what I did last night.”

“Thanks I guess…” Agatha mumbles.

“I should really leave, but I do want to say one thing first.”

“And what’s that?” Agatha asks.

“For what little good it does, even though I didn’t actively force him to do anything, vampire venom can act as a fairly strong aphrodisiac and Simon had quite a lot of it in his system last night. With that and all of the different things I’m sure he was feeling last night, I can imagine it was hard to say no last night. Maybe not an excuse, but it may be something you want to consider while you’re making your decision on what you want to happen next.”

“I suppose that that does make some sense. I’m not sure how much it changes though.”

“I am so sorry Agatha.” I say softly.

“Yeah. I know you are.” she says. “I… I’ll talk to you later. I can’t deal with this anymore right now.” 

Baz carefully steps out of her way as she pushes past and walks out the door. 

“Good luck with that Snow.” Baz says with a smirk, turning to leave as well. “You’re going to need it.”

I sigh softly. I’m not sure if I want it… I don’t know what I want anymore. “Whatever Baz…” I mumble.

He turns and looks back at me, his hand on the door handle. “You know where to find me if things don’t work out with her.” he says, the smirk still on his lips.

I roll my eyes. “Get out.”

He chuckles and walks out the door. “See you around Snow.”

I let out a long sigh and go back and sit on my bed, staring at the engagement ring in my hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Baz:

I walk out of Snow’s hotel room and get onto the lift, smirking at Wellbelove who glances at me and then proceeds to try and avoid eye contact with me. I can practically feel her tense as the doors shut.

“Relax Wellbelove. I don't bite. Well… Not usually anyway.” I add with a small smirk.

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

“Or you'll do what exactly?”

She sighs and says nothing.

“You realize that what happened last night isn't entirely my fault right?”

“Maybe not, but you pretended to be dead for years. Simon turned to me because he was hurting. I thought it was because he loved me… But now? I think maybe he just needed someone and I was an easy option. He loved you and you were gone...” she says as the doors open again on the first floor and she walks off.

“Want to test that theory?” 

She slows down a bit, allowing me to easily catch up with her. “How do you plan to do that?” she asks.

“I'll go back up to his room and see what he'll let me do. If I can get in, if he'll kiss me, if he'll let things go further than that. Then I let you know what happened.” I say. “Or you find out when you get back and I'm still there.”

She makes a face. “I don't want to think of the two of you doing anything together.”

“Oh come on… You're in love with him, and from what I remember, you used to have a crush on me as well. You really expect me to believe you aren't even a little intrigued?”

“I'm not.”

“Sure you aren't…”

“Just… Go do it. Go back and see what Simon lets happen now that he isn't drunk or quite so overwhelmed by you not being dead. I… Need to know how he feels.”

“Alright.” I say. “Give me your phone number. I'll text you if I'm told to leave before you get back.”

She puts her number in my phone and I go back to see if Snow will let me back into his hotel room.  
…

Agatha:

I pull my phone out of my pocket and send a text to Ginger asking her to meet me at a small café a few blocks away. I needed to talk to someone about everything that had just happened, even if I had to be careful about what I said so that she didn't know about any of the magical elements to the story. Then, I text Penelope, telling her the same thing. I figured that hearing the thoughts of Simon's best friend might help me figure out what I should do. Half an hour later, the three of us are sitting together at a small table by a window.

“So… Why did you ask us to meet you here?” Ginger asks. “Are you okay?”

“No…” I say quietly. “A lot happened last night…”

“What happened?”

“I… Can you help me out a little? Please?” I ask, looking at Penelope.

“Simon… His ex boyfriend showed up last night.” she says to Ginger.

“Wait… I thought his ex boyfriend was dead?” Ginger says. 

“So did all of us.” Penelope replies with a little sigh. “But he isn’t.”

“And Simon slept with him last night…” I say. “And now I don’t know what to do…”

“Are you kidding me?” Ginger asks. “You dump his ass.”

“If only it were that simple.” I say with a heavy sigh.

“What? Of course it is!” Ginger argues.

“It’s not… There’s so much to think on…”

“He cheated on you Aggie! How can you even consider not leaving him?”

“Our wedding plans, years of being in a relationship, the fact that Simon was drunk and likely extremely overwhelmed last night…” I say. “There are so many reasons why it isn’t that simple, and… well… I... I’m pregnant…” 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Ginger exclaims at the same time Penelope asks, “You're pregnant? Why wouldn’t either of you tell me?”

“Simon doesn’t know yet…” I reply quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Penelope asks.

“I don’t know… I panicked when I found out… I mean… I don’t feel ready to be a mom, and Simon… he’s- Well if he doesn’t wake up from nightmares it’s because he didn’t sleep at all and his mental health tends to be pretty bad and I just- Is it okay for a child to grow up with a father who’s like that? And if I chose to get an abortion and he knew, or even just put it up for adoption… How much would that end up affecting him? Would adoption be worse with the way he was raised? I just- I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Okay… Take a breath…” Ginger says. “How far along are you?”

“A bit less than four months…” I say.

Ginger’s eyes widen a little. “Oh… Okay. Wow…”

“You’ve kept this a secret for four months? How has Simon not noticed anything? Have you gone to the doctor and stuff like you needed to?”

“You know Simon… Sort of out of it a lot of the time at this point…”

“Yeah…” Penelope mutters. “I suppose that that’s true. You’re okay though?”

“Yeah… mostly anyway...”

“Do you know the gender?” Ginger asks.

“No… It's still a little early and... I'm not sure I even want to know. Not when I’m not sure if I want to keep it yet…”

“I… suppose that that makes sense…” Penelope says softly. “Can I tell you my thoughts? Or did you just need to say it out loud?”

“I need to talk to get my thoughts together. I'd love to hear someone else's opinion.”

“You need to call off the wedding.” Penelope says. “Not necessarily break up, but you can't get married right now.”

“Yeah…” I say.

“And I think you should tell Simon that you're pregnant. Maybe not today. You have a lot of other things to discuss, but you should tell him.”

“You're probably right…”

“One more thing?” Penelope asks.

I nod slightly. “Yeah?”

“I'm here for you. To help you with the baby, to help you through an abortion, or to help if you decide to go with adoption. Whatever you choose, I'll be there.”

“Me too.” Ginger says. “I promise.”

I sigh heavily. “Thank you. Both of you. I just… Why did he have to make everything more complicated?”

Penny moves a little closer to me and wraps her arm around me. “Maybe you should just tell him? I can come with you and we can all have a conversation.”

“Yeah. That would be great. I think . Is there any way I can convince you to come with us Ginger?” 

“Of course Aggie. And I can help you with telling people about cancelling the wedding later too if you'd like.”

“That would be great.” I say. “Thank you both so much.”

“Of course. Now let's relax for a bit, find something else to talk about and finish our drinks. Then we can go talk to that idiot of a fiance of yours.” Ginger says.

I laugh softly. “You two are the best.”  
…

A little over an hour later, Penny unlocks the door to the hotel room and the three of us walk inside to find Simon and Baz in bed together.


	10. Chapter 10

Simon:

“What do you want now?” I ask Baz, who was standing in front of me in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“Why?”

“Just to talk for a bit?” 

“That’s probably not the best idea.”

“I won’t touch you or anything. I just want to talk to you for a minute.”

I sigh, stepping out of the way. “Fine. Just for a minute,” I say, walking over and sitting on my bed.

He follows me inside, sitting next to me on the edge of my bed. “Can I ask you something Snow?”

“Isn’t that the point of you being here right now?”

“I suppose. Umm… About last night… I can’t stop thinking… Did you feel like I was forcing you?” he asks quietly, his face flushed with embarrassment and his eyes full of worry. 

It’s sort of weird to see him blush, and even weirder to think that it’s my blood making that possible. I push that thought out of my mind, feeling my own face grow warmer as well. “No... As much as I may hate myself for it, I wanted it to happen. I still really should have stopped it, but I didn’t want to...”

“Do you regret it?”

“I wouldn’t, if I didn’t care so much about how what I did is affecting Agatha. I really hurt her, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Yeah… I suppose that that is true. I’m sorry about that by the way. Even if you don’t fully blame me, it was still my idea, and I did put you in a situation where it was sort of hard to refuse.”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I’m mad that I wanted it, that I thoroughly enjoyed it, and that I didn’t bother to care at all about how much I was hurting Aggie until it was far, far too late. All I can do now is apologize to her, and what does that help really? I’ve broken her trust, and it’s going to be near impossible for me to earn it back.”

“I’m sorry. I… I should’ve just ignored you when I saw you last night.”

“Maybe, but we can’t change that now, and I’m not upset with you for not doing it. I… I haven’t been doing very well for a long time. I tried to move past what happened, but how do you ignore the fact that you murdered someone? I… I tried telling myself I had no choice. Penny, Aggie, hell even their families tried to convince me that it wasn’t my fault, but how was I supposed to believe that? You were dead and I had killed you. Sure you’re a dick, but you didn’t deserve death.”

Baz laughs softly. “I’m not dead Snow. It’s okay.”

“But you let me think you were! And I think last night was the first night I’ve slept properly since then! The first time that I’ve woken up without crying, or feeling like I should be dead! I’ve been miserable for so long… As problematic as last night was… knowing that you are alive is… I don’t even have words for it. I needed that so badly, and I never expected to have it.”

“I… Never meant to hurt you like that. At the time, I was just done. I was over the fighting with you and everything else that had been going on. I was so tired of it all. Not to mention that it took a long time for me to be able to do much of anything after being stabbed like that.”

“How long did it take for you to heal?” I ask softly.

“After I got myself home, I barely had enough time to call for help before passing out. I think it was almost a week before I could even sit up on my own and then another two and a half weeks to move around without extreme pain. Then I still had to figure out how to get used to the fact that there’s so much scar tissue in my heart. It still causes a lot of discomfort for me. Still, I should have told you before now that I’m alive, and I’m sorry for that.”

“I’m sorry that I caused you so many problems and so much pain.”

“I deserved it honestly. I don’t know if it helps at all for me to tell you this, but I really didn’t give you much of a choice. You had no way of knowing that I wouldn’t kill you, you had the Humdrum to deal with still, and honestly, I almost hoped you would kill me. I’ve never really been suicidal, but there’s always been a thought in the back of my head that it would be so much easier if I was just dead. Especially right after talking to those vampires and finding out that I could have been turned back before drinking your blood.” Baz says. 

“I… don’t know what to say to that honestly…” I say softly.

“That’s okay. I just… I’m not mad at you anymore.” 

“I’m not mad at you either.” I say softly. I want so badly to kiss him, and it makes me even more annoyed with myself. 

“Speaking of healing… Are you doing okay after last night?”

“I'm… Umm… I'm okay. Hurts to lay on my back though.”

“Do you want me to use a healing charm on you?”

“Er… No. I'm good.”

“Aleister Crowley…” Baz murmurs.

“What?” I ask.

“You like it, don't you?

I feel my face grow warmer. “I… Umm… Maybe.” 

He laughs softly. “Don't be embarrassed. It's okay.”

“I just… I don't know. I didn't really think I would, but honestly…”

“I get it. Believe me. I do.” Baz says with a little smirk. 

“Speaking of sort of embarrassing… I should probably tell you something.”

He arches an eyebrow at me. “What's that?”

“I still have that jersey that I stole from you at the end of seventh year.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah…” I mumble, blushing slightly and standing up, walking over to my suitcase.

“You brought it with you?”

I bite my lip, getting it out.  
… 

Baz: 

Snow hands me a stuffed bear, and I'm not entirely sure how to react. I almost laugh, but it's also really sweet. It's clearly made out of my old jersey. A purple bear, the watford crest on its chest, my last name printed vertically on its back. 

“Merlin… Snow… I…”

“I know it was kind of a creepy thing to do…” 

“It's not. It's honestly really sweet…” I say softly. “Did you make it?”

“No. I umm… I had someone make it for me.”

I nod slightly. 

“I know… It's weird, but… I don't know. It just sort of helped sometimes when things felt really bad.”

“It's not weird really Snow. It's sweet.” I say softly. “Can I umm… Let me hug you?”

He nods slightly and I get up, wrapping my arms around him. He leans into me, nuzzling into the crook of my neck, and letting out a soft sigh.

“Are you okay?” I ask softly, gently rubbing his back. 

He shudders slightly and pulls away from me, sitting back down on his bed. “I just… I'm so tired.” he says, picking up the teddy bear and hugging it to his chest. “I've been angry with myself for so long, and I… I'm exhausted. Part of me wants to just curl up with you and forget about Agatha, and the other part is frustrated that I would even think that, and is telling me to have you leave so I can make things right with her, and I just… I don't know what I want…”

“It's okay Snow…” I say, sitting back down next to him on the bed. “Fix things with Wellbelove. I’ll still be here if you need a few weeks to think. You have time to decide what you want. I understand how complicated this is for you. There's still a lot of old feelings, but you have a life with her, and you don't want to throw that away either. I get it. It's okay.”

“Yeah…” he mumbles. “I'm sorry…”

“I have no one to blame but myself for waiting so long to talk to you, and I am so sorry for making things so complicated for you.”

“‘s okay…” he whispers, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin between them.

“It's not really, and I really am sorry. We could have had a conversation last night without it going that far. I’m sorry.” 

“It's not your fault. Not entirely.” he says.

“Still… It was impulsive and I shouldn't have…”

“Enough. I forgive you. For everything. I don't want any more fighting between us.”

“Okay… That sounds good to me too.” I say, resting my hand on his foot.

He smiles softly. “Good.”

We sit in silence for a while, Snow seemingly lost in his own thoughts until the door knob rattles and three people walk into the room.  
…

Penelope:

“What are you doing here?” I ask Baz when we walk into the room. He’s sitting next to Simon on his bed. They’re not actually touching. Baz is sitting legs outstretched, facing Simon, who was curled up in a ball, chin resting between his knees, leaning against the headboard.

“Just having a conversation Bunce.” he replies, rolling his eyes.

“About?” I ask.

“About how much of an arsehole I am. I’m assuming you’ve come to join, so sit down, you can all take turns yelling at me, including whoever this is.” he says, gesturing to Ginger.

“This is Ginger.” Agatha says with a small sigh, rolling her eyes. “And we’re not really here to yell at you. Simon is an adult who made his own decisions last night no matter how impared his judgement may have been.”

Simon’s face turns red with embarrassment. “I… I know it doesn’t help much, but I really am sorry…”

“You’re right. It doesn’t help much.” Ginger says, rolling her eyes. “I’m assuming that you are the ex boyfriend that I’ve been told about?” she adds, looking at Baz.

“Yes, I suppose that that is me. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch. Everyone just calls me Baz though.”

Ginger rolls her eyes. “You are a horrible person. I hope you know that.”

“I've been called worse.” Baz replies.

“How the hell did you fake your death?” Ginger asks. “And why would you do it in the first place?”

“That's kind of a long story.” Baz says. “One that will definitely need to wait for some other time.”

Simon rubs the back of his neck. “Can I… Umm… Can I talk with Agatha alone for just a minute?”

“Is that okay with you Agatha?” I ask.

“Yeah. That's fine. Do you guys mind waiting in the hall for a minute?”

“Whatever.” Baz says, getting up and walking towards the door. Ginger and I follow him.

“Ix-nay on the atford-Way…” I murmur, without magic, to Baz as we walk out the door. He nods slightly, and I hope that he understands not to talk about magic in front of Ginger.

“So, it seems like we have a minute to talk. Feel like explaining what happened?” Ginger asks the second we get out into the hall.

“I umm…” Baz starts. “Snow and I got into a pretty big fight a few years ago.”

I was worried about where he was going with this. Was he still about to tell her what had happened even after my warning? I give him a look, trying to get him to stop talking, but he just responds by making eye contact with me and rolling his eyes, a look on his face that clearly, but wordlessly said, ‘Calm down. I’m not an idiot.’ as he continued with what he was saying to Ginger.

“And then I was kidnapped. I ended up being presumed dead by most of the people who cared about me, and I let Snow continue to think that I actually was because I was angry and stupid. And then he moved away and went to live in California. We haven't spoken in years and then when I saw him last night I reacted without thinking. I know it wasn't right, and that it probably shouldn't have happened, but honestly I don't really regret it. I know that makes me an arsehole, at least in the opinion of both the two of you and Wellbelove, but I don't care. I've been in love with Simon Snow since I was 15. I know that it wasn't fair to Wellbelove, but I can't change what I did, and I wouldn't want to. Even if nothing comes of this for me, I'm still glad I had last night. Snow regrets it. I know that he does. He's a great guy even despite his mistake. That’s one of the reasons I like him so much. I expect him to do what he can to fix this, and to likely not talk to me after today. For him, last night was likely more of a goodbye than anything else. A way for him to finally get over everything that happened when we were in school together, and all of the thoughts and emotions that came with that. I could be wrong, but I really believe that that's what it was, and I hope that eventually it'll feel like that for me too. As of right now though, it doesn't really...”

I've never heard that Baz talk like that before. It surprised me. I knew he had liked Simon back when we were still in school. I even knew that it didn't seem like those feelings had gone away by this point, but I still didn't expect him to be so soft while having a conversation about him. It's not really the way Baz has ever talked, especially when it came to Simon. The softness of it surprised me almost as much as the story itself did. It was interesting to hear it told in a way where he didn't technically lie at all, and yet it was still so much left out but it wasn't even close to the story that actually happened.

“You were kidnapped?” Ginger asks. “Seriously?”

Baz sighs heavily. “Yeah. The end of summer before our eighth year. I was locked in a very small room, and given no food for weeks. It was a shitty situation, but hey, I survived.” 

“Why were you kidnapped?” Ginger asks.

“A detriment of coming from a rich family I suppose.” I say.

Baz nods. “Yeah…”

“That must've been awful! I'm so sorry!”

“It was, but I'm okay. Mostly anyway… I still hate small spaces, and if I'm being honest, I don't much care for the dark either, but I'm alive, and pretty okay.”

“How'd you escape?”

“My aunt found me. Thank Merlin.”

Ginger arches an eyebrow at him, and he sighs. 

“Weird expression. I know. It's something that's been used in my family for a long time. Just sort of became a habit, you know?”

“Yeah. I get it.” Ginger says with a shrug. “Stuff like that happens.”

He nods, and I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.  
…

Agatha:

Simon stands up the second the door shuts and walks over to his suitcase.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Changing into a hoodie because my neck has fang marks on it.” he says, pulling off his shirt. “It's too hot for long sleeves and a hoodie.” he says, seemingly in explanation as he picks up his hoodie and unfolds it. This gives me a chance to take in his back. Several long red welts are spread down it, a purple bruise on his neck and what was clearly two fang marks on his shoulder, two scratches down the side of his neck, and bruises on his hips. 

“Jesus Christ… What did he do to you?” I ask softly, stepping slightly closer to him.

“Hmm?” he asks, turning toward me, showing off another welt on his stomach and more scratches on his chest. “Oh… Er… He was kind of rough I guess.”

“Clearly… Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” he says, pulling on the hoodie.

“You're sure?”

“Yeah. I'm good Aggie. Really.”

“Doesn't that hurt though?” 

He shrugs. “A little I guess.”

I shake my head lightly. “Do you want me to get Penny? I'm sure she'd use a healing charm on you if you wanted.”

“I'm fine Aggie. I promise.”

“Was this all you wanted to say to me right now?”

“I just didn't want to have to explain the fang thing to Ginger…”

“Can I ask you something Simon?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“Do you actually want to fix things with me? I just… I've been thinking a lot, and well… I know it’s not your fault that you just found out he’s alive. That doesn't excuse the fact that you cheated last night, but… I don't know… I'd understand if you're interested in exploring a relationship with him…”

“I'm… It's not that I… It's just… I don't even know. I love you Aggie, but I never really stopped loving Baz either and… I hate hurting you… I just… I don't know what to do here. I have so many different thoughts right now, and I am so, so sorry.”

“I get it…” I say softly. “I know it's all complicated, as frustrating as that may be.”’

“I'm so sorry Agatha…”

“It'll be okay… Eventually” 

“I really messed up. You deserve to be treated so much better than I have treated you recently.”

“Maybe we should just take a break for a while. I'll go stay with my parents. You can do whatever you need to, and we'll talk again in a couple of weeks. We can both try to figure out what is best for us.”

He nods slightly. “I think that that sounds like a good idea …”

“Is a month an insane amount of time for that?” I ask.

“I don't know really…” he says.

“Why don't we try it? We can always talk before then if we need to…”

He takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out before nodding. “Yeah. I think that that sounds like a good idea.”

I nod slightly. “Okay… Let's do that then. Give us both some time to think things over.”

“Yeah…” he says. “I'm so sorry about all of this.”

“We'll figure it out. It'll be okay.” 

He nods, sitting down on his bed. “Yeah…”

“I think I might just go now.” I say.

“Okay… I'll see you later then…”

“Mmhmm…” I hum, turning to walk out of the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Agatha:

A month and a half later, Simon and I made a plan to meet up and finally talk. I get to our house around 9, after a nearly twelve hour plane ride and half an hour in the car, and I'm exhausted. I only half take in the boxes in the living room as my eyes lock on Simon who is sitting on the couch in Baz’s lap, eyes closed, fangs sunk into his neck. Both of them look up at me as I walk in, Simon with heavy lidded eyes and Baz with a smirk that must be a reaction to the surprised look on my own face. Blood drips slowly down Simon's neck and Baz moves quickly to clean it up with his tongue just before it has gotten down to his shirt collar.

“Are- are you okay Simon?” I ask, unsure of exactly what to do.

Simon hums, smiling a little. “‘m good.” 

“You're sure?” I ask.

“It feels good,” he says.

“How can being stabbed feel good?”

“I could show you if you're actually curious.” Baz says, casting a couple of spells at Simon's neck so offhandedly that I'm shocked the holes heal up at all, much less as quickly as they did.

“That sounds like a bad idea.”

“I suppose you're right. Especially with you being pregnant. I have no idea how the venom would affect that, so it's definitely better to not.”

“How did you…”

“I have excellent hearing, especially when it comes to heartbeats, and you happen to have two of them at the moment. I noticed when we were in that hotel room together.”

Simon's eyes widen, his jaw dropping slightly.

Baz laughs softly. “You didn't know, did you?”

Simon shakes his head. “Why wouldn't you tell me?” he asks.

“I- Simon…”

“Actually...” Simon murmurs. “Let's… Talk later. Can't think properly yet. I need a minute…”

“He's a little drunk on venom at the moment.” Baz says. “Sorry about that.”

“What are you doing here Baz?”

“Snow and I were texting, and it went from a conversation about him thinking he should probably move out of here, to me offering to help him get packed up, and now here I am accepting blood as a thank you because it's so much easier like this than the way I'd usually do it.”

“Simon... Why did you offer him your blood?”

“Was better he did it to me than a random bloke at a bar. Me knowing what he's doing makes it easier...” he says, his words a little slurred. "'sides, it feels fantastic..."

“That's how you usually get blood?” I ask, looking at Baz.

“It's really none of your business what I drink Wellbelove.”

“You don't like… Kill anyone… Do you?”

“Of course not. I'm not a complete monster.” he says, and something about the look in his eyes makes me feel bad that I'd asked at all.

“So… You've been here a while?” 

“A couple days. Why?”

“I don't know. This is weird…”

“It's not my job to make you comfortable.”

“Must you always be such an arse?”

“Being nice gets boring. It's so much more fun to be just a little mean sometimes. It’s easier to get what you want that way.” Baz says, running his fingers down Simon’s neck. Simon shudders slightly, making a small gasping noise and tilting his head a little, seemingly reflexively trying to give Baz better access to his neck. 

“I… umm… I’m not entirely sure what it is I just walked in on, but I think I should just go to bed…”

“All you walked in on was dinner Wellbelove. Unfortunately for me, he feels he’s caused enough problems, so he won’t let this go any further. Yet anyway…” he says.

“If it's me you're worried about Simon, you should do what you want. It’s frustrating, but what you want isn’t up to me to decide, and it isn’t fair for me to push you into a decision that makes you unhappy, and it’s not his fault Baz is a lying arse hole who likes to cause trouble. I’d say I question your taste, but I know he has his charms...”

“Are you trying to say you like me too?” Baz asks, his tone clearly teasing.

“I may have at one point, or the idea of you anyway…”

“What does that mean?” Baz asks.

“I don't know… The idea of a different life… It was interesting to think about.”

“I'm not sure what you think it'd be like to be with me, but I doubt you'd enjoy it as much as you think you would.”

“You're probably right. You're a complete jerk.”

“I'm also incredibly gay. You might be able to convince me to like hold you once in a while, and that would be as far as it went physically.”

“That probably wouldn't be a huge problem for her…” Simon murmurs. “We've had sex like three times in four years together, and I'm lucky to get a couple of kisses in a day.”

Baz laughs. “No wonder you were so willing to have sex with me. It was more attention than you had received in a long time huh?”

“I suppose that that is true…” I murmur. “It would've been nice if you had said it was a problem though.”

“It wasn't really…” Simon says with a small sigh. “Though I can't say that I didn't want a little more physical contact, but I didn't realize how much it had affected me until I had an option that was so easily available to me...”

“Are you calling me easy Snow?” Baz asks teasingly.

“For me anyway.” Simon says.

“Rude.”

“Are you saying you'd object if I wanted to?”

“I suppose not.” Baz says.

“Exactly.” Simon says, smiling a little.

Baz shakes his head, rolling his eyes. “Whatever Snow.”

“Would you two just kiss already?”

Simon smiles a little and looks over his shoulder at Baz. Their lips almost touch, and then Simon whispers, “I'm hungry…”

Baz laughs. “Of course you are.”

“You just drank quite a bit of my blood. Now I need food.”

“Fine. I'll go figure something out for you.”

“Thank you.” Simon says, smiling a little.

Baz sighs softly as he gets up. “Are you hungry Wellbelove?”

“Umm… A little I guess.”

He nods. “I'll figure something out.” he says, walking off toward the kitchen.

“Come sit down for a minute?” Simon asks.

I nod slightly, sitting down on the couch with a small sigh.

“So… You're what? Like four months pregnant? Five?” Simon asks.

“It's a little over five at this point…”

“Is everything going okay? Both of you are healthy?”

“Yeah. We're both doing really well.”

“Good… Everything is going properly?”

I nod. “The baby's perfect.”

“I just… I don't understand why you'd keep this from me…”

“I just… There's really no good excuse for it… I was worried about you. You and I both know that even as hard as you were trying, your mental health was a bit of a mess, and even though that shouldn't have stopped me from telling you, I hesitated to actually do it. Then as time went on, it just got harder and harder to actually tell you…”

“Aggie… I… I made my mistakes, but I never hid things from you like that. I've always told you what was going on… I certainly messed up, but you've been lying to me for months…”

“I know… I'm sorry…”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I planned on telling you tonight… Baz just got to it before I did…”

“How am I supposed to believe that after you've lied for so long?”

“You're right… It's the truth, but I can't prove that, and it's my fault I'd need to try…”

Simon sighs heavily. “So… A baby. Do you have any idea what you want to do moving forward?”

“I don't know Simon… I wasn't even sure I wanted to keep it up until recently.”

“You- Without even- Really?” Simon asks. “I mean- I wouldn't have tried to like… force you to do what you didn't want to, but you really weren't going to even have a conversation about it?”

“I don't know Simon… I really don't…”

“Wow…” he murmurs. “I- don't even know what to say…”

“I'm sorry.”

“Are you really?”

“Of course I am!”

“I- I need a minute… I'm going to go help Baz in the kitchen…”

“Okay… I'll be here…”  
…

Baz:

Snow walks up behind me in the kitchen, his tail wrapping around my leg as he leans against my back. 

“You okay?” I ask.

He shakes his head, burying his face in the crook of my neck. 

“It's a little hard to do things with you clinging to me like this.”

“Sorry… Can I just… Just one minute?”

“Whatever Snow. This is fine.” I say. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Just want to feel like everything isn't so messed up…”

“I'm sorry.”

“‘s not even really your fault… Not fully anyway…”

“So… You're going to have a kid…”

“I guess so… I… Merlin, Baz… Everything's a mess.”

“It's okay Snow. I promise everything will be okay.”

“How?” he asks. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you really want me to.”

“Even if I have a child to take care of?”

“Snow… I have four younger siblings and I grew up learning how to take care of little kids in the Watford nursery. I like kids. I’m not worried about it. I just want you…”

“Why? I- Crowley, I’m a mess… Every part of my life, of me as a person, is messy.”

“I don’t care Snow. You really think I’m any better?”

“Maybe not, but do you really need to add on to it?”

“Yeah. I do. If it means I get to have you…”

“When did you get so sappy?”

“Don’t get used to it. I just knew you needed to hear it.”

“Thank you… You really still want to try this?”

“I do, and I understand that it’s more complicated for you than you just wanting it too, so, take all the time to figure out what it is you need to do. It’s okay if I’m just too late to get what I want here.”

He sighs softly. “Sorry everything is so complicated here.”

“It’s more my fault than yours Snow.”

He shrugs, still not letting go of me as I continue to work on making food.


	12. Chapter 12

Simon:

I eventually pulled myself away from Baz, silently helping him get dinner made. We eat together, Baz and I in the kitchen and Agatha in the living room. We’re all quiet for a long time, barely saying anything as we finish eating, get the dishes done, and then end up back on the couch. By this point, Agatha had gone to bed, mumbling a goodnight to Baz and me as she put her dishes in the sink. I curl up in a ball, burying my face in my teddy bear. It’s mildly embarrassing, but I’m so overwhelmed by all my other thoughts that I barely care at all what Baz thinks. 

“You know…” Baz says softly, after around twenty minutes of sitting beside me in complete silence. “I’m right next to you. Why are you snuggling with that silly replacement?”

“Er… sorry… It’s just… ‘s been years where I've used this as… I don’t even know…” I murmur, setting it off to the side with a sigh.

“No… I’m sorry. I get it. You’re stressed. What do you need from me? To talk to me? Or just for me to shut up?”

“I don’t even know Baz! I’m just… Why would she hide it from me like that? I… She said she wasn’t sure she was going to keep it. She didn’t even talk to me... Aleister fucking Crowley… She wasn't going to let me even have an opinion...”

He rests his hand on top of mine, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “I’m sorry… You must be incredibly frustrated.”

“Of course I’m fucking frustrated Baz! I never get any say in anything in my life! Every decision has been made by something or someone else, be it the Mage sending me off to do whatever the hell he wanted me to, some stupid prophecy, the people who ran the care homes I lived in for my entire childhood, the Crucible making you my roommate, and now Agatha thinking it was fine to make all the decisions about our child without me! I’m so sick of all of the lies and things being hidden from me! It’s exhausting to never know what’s actually going on! I’m so done with all of it!” Tears of anger drip down my face. I brush them away, annoyed that I couldn't keep them from falling in the first place.

“Snow…” Baz says softly, squeezing my hand. I pull it away from him, frowning at him.

“No! You don’t get it! Nobody does! I’ve never been my own person! My entire life has been defined by other people’s choices! Every! Fucking! Part! I’m just a piece of a stupid prophecy that should have died far before now, and you are no help! You’ve lied just as much as anyone else!”

"I know I have, and I'm so sorry. I was angry, but I shouldn't have let you think I was dead for so long.”

“It doesn't even matter at this point. Everything is just a mess... I don't know what to do, and everything is out of my control even if I did.” I say bitterly. 

Baz looks at me for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to say for once. He bites his lip and then sighs softly, seeming to make a decision. “I know it's not just me you're angry with Snow, but if you want to use that anger for something productive... I'm very interested in letting you take it out on me..."

"You're sure about that?" I ask. I didn't expect it to help much of anything, but it still sounded so good.

"Fuck yes." he whispers. " _Please._ Anything you want..."

"What do _you_ want?"

"I don't care..."

"We both know that that's not really true. You clearly want something, or you wouldn’t be offering, and I want to hear you say it out loud."

"Merlin Snow... You want to know what I really want right now?"

"Use your words Baz." I say, unable to keep the slight smirk off of my lips.

He smiles a little, his eyes dark with lust. "I want you to pleasure yourself without worrying about me. Do whatever you want. Be as rough as you'd like. Use me Snow..."

It takes me a moment to be able to react with more than just my jaw dropping slightly, but once I finally take in what he had said, I press my lips against his without another thought.  
...

Baz:

Snow pushes me down on the couch and moves on top of me, keeping his mouth locked against mine. His tongue twists against my own. His fingers tangle in my hair, tugging lightly. I let out a soft groan, kissing him back as his hands move to slide over my body. The kiss feels like it lasts for hours, and yet, still ends far too soon.

"Fuck..." I murmur, dragging in a breath as he tears his mouth away from mine. 

He smirks down at me, sliding his hand up under my shirt. He rolls my nipple between his fingers, grinding slowly against my thigh. At this point, I'm really wishing that I had chosen to wear looser trousers, because these are now starting to feel far too tight. I know Snow can tell, but I also know that he's no better off.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do with me yet?” I ask.

“Impatient already?” he asks, lightly rubbing his thigh against my crotch. I let out a small groan and grind against his leg, not really thinking about it. He frowns and shakes his head slightly, moving further back on the couch. “Remind me Baz, because I must be forgetting… Who’s the one in charge here?”

“You are.” I say with a small sigh, reflexively rolling my eyes.

His hand drops down and cups my cock through my jeans. “What was that?”

It takes everything in me to keep still. “You are.” I repeat, looking him in the eye.

He smirks a bit and squeezes. “And did I say you could do that?”

I let out a small grunt. “N-no. I’m sorry.” 

“Good…” he murmurs, squeezing again. I groan softly as he continues, “So… Here's what I’m thinking… Get up.”

I arch an eyebrow at him as he gets to his feet, but I do as he says. He steps close, cups my cheek in his hand and then presses a soft kiss to my lips before leaning forward and kissing my neck just below my ear. “I want you on your knees for me. Let me fuck your mouth.” he murmurs.

I shiver slightly as he starts sucking on part of my neck. “Just a warning… My fangs might-” I start.

“I don’t care.” he murmurs, running his tongue over the small spot on my neck before going back to sucking.

I let out a small hum, my eyes falling closed. “If you insist, Snow.” I say. “And don't worry about being gentle.”

“Believe me… I won't. If all goes according to plan, you won't be sitting or speaking tomorrow.”

“Merlin Snow… Promise?”

He bites down hard on the spot on my neck, rolling the skin between his teeth, and I suck in a sharp breath. “You're going to wish you hadn't said that…” he murmurs.

“Aleister Crowley, I hope so…”

“You have five seconds to be on your knees, ready to prep yourself, because I'm not waiting once I'm done with your mouth.” He says, unbuttoning his own trousers, and pushing them down out of his way along with his pants.

“Damn…” I murmur, taking just a second to look him over before moving and quickly getting myself adjusted down on my knees.

“Good.” he says softly, sliding his fingers through my hair and gripping it tightly at the back of my head. “If you need me to stop, just tap my leg. Okay?”

I nod. “Mmhmm... Now hurry up, would you?”

His tail wraps around the back of my neck, the end of it running over my cheek. “How many times do I need to remind you? You’re not the one in charge here.”

I hum softly, letting my eyes fall closed. “I know… I’m sorry.” I murmur. 

“Prove it.” he says. “Open up.” 

I groan softly as he tugs at my hair, his cock pressing against my lips. I let my mouth open, and he eases himself inside me. It’s only a moment before he’s hitting the back of my throat, humming softly as I swallow around him, breathing slowly and deeply through my nose. He waits a moment, just looking down at me until I make eye contact with him. Then he finally draws back out and then slams back in, causing my nose to be pressed roughly against his lower abdomen. I grunt softly and he waits another moment, seemingly to judge my reaction before doing it again. I allow the muscles in my throat to fully relax as he continues to slam into me with hard thrusts, and fuck… I don’t think I have ever found anything so hot. I run my tongue over his cock, licking and sucking whenever I could as he moved in and out of my mouth. His groans are absolutely delicious. It feels incredibly good to work them out of him and to feel him shoving himself roughly down my throat.  
…  
Simon:

Baz groans as I slam into the back of his throat again. The moans and choking noises that come out of his mouth are gorgeous and the vibrations they send through my cock feel amazing. One of his hands is wrapped around my thigh, holding onto me, his other one busy scissoring open his arsehole. It’s not long though before his attention starts slipping from me to himself, his small groans becoming deeper, and his tongue no longer moving over my cock when it’s in his mouth. I barely repress a growl as I move my tail, wrapping it around his wrist and pulling his arm up above his head.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

He responds with nothing more than a slight gurgling noise and a look of amusement in his eyes. I wasn’t really looking for an actual response anyway though. I slam hard into his mouth, groaning as he gags, his throat contracting around me, part of me wanting to just finish down his throat, but the idea of slamming my cock into his arse and leaving him aching for days… Well, that sounds so much better.

I pull away from his mouth, watching him take a gasping breath in. “Stand up. Now.” I say. He quickly gets to his feet and I smirk slightly. “Go bend over the arm of the couch.”

He does as I ask, going over and bracing himself with one hand on the frame of the couch and the other pressed flat against the cushion. I walk over to him and gently run my fingers up his back, savoring the shiver I receive in response.

“Don't think I don't know that you're being a disobedient piece of shit on purpose.” I growl. “Lucky for you though, I keep my promises… And you’re not going to be able to move properly tomorrow.”

He nods slightly. “Merlin Snow… _Please_.” he says, his voice now raspy, but no less wanting than it had been before.

“I’m going to destroy that gorgeous arse of yours…”

He moans softly at the words. “ _Please_ ”  
…  
Baz:

I hadn’t really been trying to do anything ‘disobedient’ as Snow had said. I had just sort of gotten lost in the moment, though I don’t mind him thinking that I had been trying to make him more angry. I like things a little more rough, and he needs to get out some of the frustration from everything else anyway. 

I hum softly as his fingers slide under the back of my shirt.“I want this off of you.” he says. 

“Are you asking for my help Snow?”

“I’m not asking anything. If you like that shirt, take it off, otherwise I’ll remove it myself.”

I shrug. “Do what you like.”

The spade shaped end of his tail slices through the shirt much more easily than I would have expected it to, leaving a cut on my back that was shallow enough to not draw blood, but deep enough to be mildly painful. Then he tears through the sleeves before tossing the now ruined shirt to the floor. His hand runs up my back, and his fingers gently brush over what I know to be the pale scar from where the sword had exited my body. As usual, I feel an irrational twinge of annoyance at having it touched until I feel the unexpectedly soft touch quickly switch over to sharp fingernails dragging down my back. I groan softly, arching my back up toward his fingers. I hear him chuckle lightly.

“You like that hmm?” he asks, digging his fingernails into me before slapping my arse. 

I just moan softly in response, loving the stinging burn of it. “Come on Snow. You’re stronger than that.”

He hits me again, hard, and I groan, letting my eyes fall closed. “Not bad. You can do better though.”

Another three hard slaps come down in quick succession, causing a small grunt to escape my mouth. “Fuck… _Simon_ …”

“You want me to fuck you now?” he asks, his hand coming down hard against me again. 

“Ngh~… Simon… Please.”

He drops my wand in front of me. “Help me out.”

It takes a second to realize what exactly he's wanting me to do, but after a moment, I use ‘slippery when wet’ on his cock and then let my wand drop to the floor as I adjust myself a bit.

His fingers dig into my hips, nails surely cutting into my skin. Goosebumps spread up my arms and I shiver slightly. His cock presses against my arsehole, and the next thing I know, he’s slamming into me. He sets up a hard, fast rhythm. I let out a shaky groan, gripping the couch more tightly to keep myself more steady. I'm so hard that it aches, and I want so badly to just wrap my hand around my cock, or even just to grind against the far too rough fabric of the arm of the sofa, but I don't want to give Simon a reason to stop. The burn of his cock stretching my arsehole blends with an even more intense feeling pleasure as he rams into my prostate. I moan loudly, the sound escaping my mouth even as I try to keep myself quiet. His tail wraps around my mouth, pulling taught, clearly trying to muffle me before doing it again. Not a bad idea, but doesn't work quite as well in practice as he'd likely hoped, because a moment later, another deep groan escapes my throat. Merlin… I'm so close… His tail slides down, wrapping around my neck and then, he hesitates, not moving at all for what feels like a long time. I know he was trying to ask me if it was okay, and I understand why, but part of me wishes he would have just done it.

“Baz-?”

“What are you waiting for?” I ask, cutting him off, the annoyance I feel audible in my still scratchy voice.

He snaps out of it finally, his tail squeezing tight around my neck, cutting off most of my air supply as he shoves his cock deep back into my arse, a small moan coming out of his own mouth. 

“Harder…” I manage to choke out, tears dripping down my cheeks. “Please.” His tail tightens around my neck until I can no longer breathe at all as he slams roughly into me, tugging my hips back to meet each thrust. It's not long before I climax. My body trembles slightly, my arsehole spasming around his still pumping cock.

A minute later I'm left gasping for breath as he pulls his tail away from my neck and steps back. I stay collapsed over the arm of the couch, legs feeling like jelly. I wouldn't have been positive Snow had even finished if I hadn't felt the warm, wet feeling of come dripping down my leg as he pulls out. I'm sticky and dirty from sweat and come, but the rest of me feels too good to care, and I'm so ready to just curl up and go to sleep. I rest my forehead on my arm as I try to catch my breath. Snow carefully picks me up and lays me on the couch. I wince slightly as my arse touches the sofa, carefully readjusting myself before relaxing. He gets my wand, handing it to me so I can clean up the mess. It takes a little longer than it usually would due to my scratchy voice and lack of ability to think properly, but a minute later, everything is finally clean, and I let my eyes fall closed with a sigh. I must've dozed off for a bit because the next thing I know, I'm being shaken lightly, a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey…” Simon says softly. “I brought you pajamas. Can you sit up?”

I hum softly, doing as he asked, still feeling exhausted. He helps me get dressed and then a kiss presses to my forehead. “Thanks Snow.” I murmur, looking at him with a small smile on my lips.

He smiles at me. He's shirtless, but he had put on pajama pants. “Mmhmm. I also brought a blanket for you and the ice cubes you call hands and feet.” he says, picking it up from where he had set it on the coffee table.

I laugh softly, taking it from him. “Thanks Snow.” 

“Do you need anything else?”

“Water would be great if you don't mind.” 

“Yeah. Of course. How's your throat feeling?”

“Kinda sore. ‘m alright for now though.” I say, wrapping his blanket around myself.

“Mmkay…” he says, walking off into the kitchen.

He comes back a couple minutes later and sits down beside me, holding out a glass of water to me. I smile and take it from him, and take a drink, ending up draining half of the glass. He leans over and presses a kiss to my cheek.

“You okay?”

I nod. “What’s in your other hand?” I ask, looking over at him. He holds up a container of chocolate cherry ice cream, smiling a little.

“Dork.”

He shrugs. “I wanted ice cream.”

“Are you going to share?”

“Mmm… I might…”

“Is there something you want from me Snow?” I ask, setting my glass on the coffee table.

“I'd accept payment in kisses.” he says, with a small laugh. "Or even just a promise that you'll call me Simon, at least for tonight." 

"I suppose I can do that for you Simon." I say before gently pulling him closer and pressing my lips against his. He grins against my mouth, kissing me back. I pull away after a minute and he hands me a spoon, still smiling softly at me. I kiss him again, a slower, deeper kiss that earns me a small hum and a tail around my waist. I grin and take hold of his tail, winding it between my fingers and absentmindedly toying with it.

“I'm growing quite fond of this…” I murmur against his mouth.

“My tail, or kissing me?”

“I was talking about the tail, but if I'm being honest, being with you in general…”

Simon smiles, his wing wrapping around me. I hum softly, leaning against him.

“You're so warm…” I say softly.

“Lucky for you considering you are always freezing.” 

“Mmhmm.” I hum, pressing kisses to his cheek. 

He opens up his ice cream, tossing the lid on the coffee table and taking a bite of it. He shares the container of ice cream with me, both of us eating way more than we probably should have, curled up together, having a conversation about nothing in particular between mouthfuls of ice cream and lazy, chocolate cherry flavored kisses until we eventually fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Agatha:

I put my dishes in the sink after dinner and then go and curl up in bed, putting my earbuds in, starting up a movie on my phone. My mind drifts from what's on the screen to Simon. The nights where he was actually feeling good, when he would get in bed with me and curl up close. We'd talk for hours until, or watch something together, just relaxing with each other. The little kisses he'd press to my cheek, staying so close, his wings like an electric blanket. So warm, and so carefully spread over me. The way his tail would curl around my legs. It was always so nice. I don't blame him for what happened with Baz, but I do miss him. Especially now, being back in this bed. I sigh softly, turning off the movie and turning on music instead and getting up to change into pajamas and turn off the lights. I drop my dirty clothes in the hamper and tense slightly at the sound of something moving in the closet. There's a soft rustling noise and I find myself reaching for the wand that I know I don't have on me. It's in the drawer of the nightstand. I don't know what I expected to be there, but after everything that had happened during our years at Watford… Could I get to my wand if something happened? Should I call for help? A gorgeous black and grey cat jumps out of my laundry basket. It walks over, rubbing it's head against my leg before jumping onto my bed. I sigh.

“ Merlin…” I murmur. “Where did you come from? Huh beautiful?” I ask, gently petting it. It must be Baz’s. Simon's never been big on pets. We discussed the idea a couple of times before, specifically the idea of getting an emotional animal to help him, but he wasn't interested. I sit back down on the bed and the cat curls up beside me. I continue to pet it as I mess around on my phone. After a couple of hours, I'm tired enough to lie down and drift off to sleep, a cat curled up against my chest.  
...

Baz:

I wake up to my cat pawing at my face. Not really unusual if I've actually slept well. The strange part is waking up alone on Snow’s couch.

“Good morning.” Wellbelove says as I stretch and sit up.

“Morning.” I say, my voice slightly scratchy.

“Are you okay?”

I clear my throat and nod. “Yeah. I'm fine. You?”

“I'm good. Your cat took over my bed last night.”

“Sorry about that. She likes to cuddle.” I say, lightly scratching my cat behind the ears. She purrs and nuzzles against my hand.

“Don't be sorry. She was good company.” Wellbelove says with a small smile. “I never really expected that you would want a pet though.”

“I never really did. I guess maybe part of me needed the company though, and I've never regretted bringing her home. She's a sweetheart.” I say. “Speaking of, what time is it?”

“How do those things correlate at all?”

“I'm assuming nobody else fed her this morning, and I have no idea what time it actually is.”

“It's a little after eight.” she says.

“Yeah. It's time for you to eat, huh γατάκι?” I murmur, setting her on the floor. She goes over and nuzzles against Wellbelove’s ankles, purring softly. Wellbelove picks her up and pets her.

“You're going to hold her for a minute?” I ask.

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Whatever. Where's Snow?”

“In our room. I think he's avoiding me.”

“Makes sense. I'd avoid someone if they had kept something like that from me, though I'd never be in that situation.” I say. I walk into the kitchen and get food out for my cat, setting it out for her before going to Snow’s room. He's curled up under the blanket, phone on the nightstand playing some show or movie. I sigh softly, getting into bed behind him and curling up into him.

He sighs heavily. “What do you want?”

“Did I do something to upset you?”

“No. Sorry. I'm just… Not feeling great this morning.”

“Mentally or physically?”

“Both… My stomach feels gross and my head hurts. Partially from your stupid fangs, but mostly from anxiety.” he murmurs. “I've been awake since like four this morning.”

“I'm sorry. Bad dream?”

“Kinda… Mostly the stomachache.” 

“You could've woken me up.” 

“It wasn't necessary.” 

“Can I do anything to help you feel better?”

“No.”

“Have you had anything to eat or drink?”

“No.”

“Have you thrown up?”

“I… Umm… No. I'm… I'll feel better by this afternoon. I'm okay.”

“I'm getting you water. And you're drinking some of it. Then I'll leave you alone if that is what you want.”

“Fine, but I'd prefer if you stay with me when you get back. If you don't mind anyway...”

I smile a little, gently kissing the back of his neck. “I can do that too. You need something to drink though. I don't want you to get dehydrated.”

“If you must.”  
…

Simon:

Baz comes back with a glass of water and my teddy bear. I laugh softly as he hands both to me. “Thanks.” I say as he sits down beside me. 

“Drink. Then we can relax and cuddle or whatever you want.”

I nod, taking a couple of small sips of the water. I hadn't thrown up at this point, but it didn't feel like it was completely out of the question yet. Mostly I had been sick in the other way, and well… I wasn't really interested in discussing that.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“I'm alright. Sore, but not more than I expected.”

“That's good I guess.” I say, taking another drink.

“Last night was fun.”

“Glad to know you enjoy being fucked.” I say.

He laughs softly. “That wasn't really my point there, but whatever. I enjoyed all of last night. Just being with you feels good.”

My tail wraps around him without me even trying. He smiles, playing with it a little. 

“You like my tail hmm?”

He winds it between his fingers, toying with the end of it with his other hand. “It's just sort of amusing that you have a tail in the first place Snow.”

“Whatever Baz.” I say, taking another drink of my water.

He laughs softly. “It's fun.”

“It's annoying. It tends to do whatever the hell it wants and gets in my way. I'm clumsy enough as it is without the stupid thing knocking everything over.”

He laughs softly and kisses my cheek. “Still… It's cute.”

I set my cup down and then curl up on my side. He lays down and gently pulls me close. I sigh and rest my head on his chest. 

“You really like listening to my heartbeat don't you?” he asks, running his fingers through my hair.

“I umm… like the reminder that you're alive.” I murmur.

“Mmm..."

I yawn, moving on top of him and tucking my arms under his, hugging him tightly. “I'm gonna try and take a nap…”

“Get some rest Simon. I'll be right here.”


End file.
